Read it and weep

As I move nearer to a career change (I guess since I'm still in my 20s it's just "shifting gears") I read a book that was a fitting way to close the chapter (to fully stretch the literary metaphor) on my time in journalism. That book is The Secret Man by Bob Woodward. It came out a few years ago (probably about six Woodward books ago, he's like Stephen King with anonymous sources), but I'm finally getting around to it.
The reason it is fitting is that All The President's Men, which I probably read in 10th grade, made me want to become a journalist. Reading about Woodward and Bernstein digging up the truth about Watergate was a formative experience for me, even though I couldn't have picked Ehrlichmann, Dean or Haldeman out of a lineup. Obviously, ATPM made thousands of kids want to be reporters and some found success and others found failure.

I've found my share of both. I wish I had the abilities that Woodward and Bernstein have, but I never quite found my way in journalism. Maybe someday I still can. I just want to try something different that will challenge me and see how that works out. I've wandered far afield already, so let me get back to The Secret Man, which is Woodward's telling of his relationship and work with Deep Throat. Mark Felt, the number two man at the FBI, was Deep Throat, although no one could say definitively until Felt said so himself. What is so frustrating about TSM is that Woodward waited so long to contact Felt (the reporter was afraid the source was mad at him for perceived mistakes, which to some degree was true) that Felt had full-on dementia by the time the two spoke again. As a result, Felt couldn't explain why he helped Woodward, why he leaked information about the Nixon White House, why he took such risks to ensure the truth came out. To most people, that's the story -- the fact that Deep Throat was Felt is fun to know after so much parlor discussion, but everyone always knew it was someone. The real intrigue was why.

But this was no movie. It was real life. Sometimes you don't get answers. Sometimes you wait so long to act that you can't find out the answers you wanted. It's frustrating as a reader, but you can tell that Woodward was probably just as frustrated.
And I guess that is why TSM represents my journalism career. There isn't always a perfect ending. Sometimes, you just have to move on and try to make the best of what you have. Woodward moved on to his eleven other ongoing projects and continued to take baths in money. I'll try to succeed in a different arena and not dwell on the question of why certain things didn't happen. I don't try to be profound on this blog because I don't have the skills for it. But here's my "semi-pro found" statement: What's interesting is why, but what is important is what. What you do and what you make of your life has more bearing for yourself and others than why you do what you do. I'm changing directions - that is WHAT I am doing. I hope I can look back later, like Felt and Woodward did and feel like I did the right thing -- whether I can remember why or not.