For Your Consideration

Sports Conspiracy Theory #1
My most recent theory is thus: Smarmy super-agent Scott Boras is extorting (blackmailing, maybe some other -ing word) the Boston Red Sox by forcing them to sign his longtime client J.D. Drew in order to sign his most recent client, Japanese pitching ace Daisuke Matsuzaka. The reason I say this is that the Red Sox are apparently seriously working to trade a surefire Hall of Famer in Manny Ramirez so they can sign Drew, whose main characteristic as a player has been listlessness.
In his years of representing Drew, Boras has always been adamant that Drew be paid superstar dollars (even having him sit out and play for the St. Paul Saints after he was drafted by the Phillies) despite never really delivering superstar performances. My only explanation for the Sox signing Drew is that Boras told them if they give Drew a nice contract that is better than the one he opted out of with the L.A. Dodgers, Boras will ensure that Matsuzaka signs.
Much was made of the Sox paying $51.1 million solely for the right to negotiate with D-Mat, whose touted "gyroball" has taken on Sid Finchian proportions, despite the fact most Americans have never seen him pitch. But Boston knows that whether Matsuzaka actually signs will depend on whether Boras wants him to, not whether the pitcher himself wants to play in Beantown. Since Boras has such leverage in this transaction, he has made signing Drew a prerequisite. I don't know why this means Manny has to leave, but that does open a spot for Drew in left field. The Manny trade rumors confuse me more than anything because all signs point to this being real, not the usual Manny Being Manny fake trade scenarios. The proposals have been weak when you consider how great Ramirez has been. Two prospects and a middle reliever for a power hitter with great average who provides excellent protection for David Ortiz? I'm a bit confused, obviously.
Drew's numbers are not horrible, but compare them to Manny's and a difference is clear. It is most obvious in equivalent average, VORP and WARP1, 2 and 3, which are different metrics for value and wins over the average player.
The Drew and Matsuzaka package is also confusing because neither seems prepared to deal with the intense pressure in Boston. Drew has never done well in the harsh spotlight, and Matsuzaka has never even thrown a pitch in the majors. The Boston pitching staff looks formidable if they have D-Mat to team with Beckett, Schilling, Papelbon, Wakefield and maybe even a starter from a Manny trade. But teams still need to score runs, and I don't think a lineup without Manny will be nearly as strong. Boras clearly doesn't care and never has. He wants to get rid of Manny, a Jeffrey Moorad (correction added later: Manny used to be a Moorad client, such as when he signed his original huge Sox deal, but now he is represented by Greg Genske) client to make room for his own, Drew, to play behind his pitcher. Because D-Mat is the flavor of the month, Boras has retained a ridiculous amount of bargaining power. However, it is unknown if Matsuzaka is going to become the Japanese Walter Johnson or just Hideki Irabu. Count me in as someone who is skeptical. I wouldn't sign Drew and hope the Sox don't either.
I'm sure if this blog were actually widely read people would poke all kinds of holes in this argument, but I wanted to get it down because a cursory look on the Web didn't reveal someone else making it. Maybe if somehow it turns out to be true, I can at least rejoice in that.

My Life ... well the last two days of it

A short history of my events.
I enjoyed Kat's birthday and Thanksgiving, which has been dubbed BirthGiving. Kat thinks she has had about four BirthGivings during her 28 years of life. We had turkey, which turned out pretty well and a good bike ride. You can get a full update at Kat Fancy.
Today, that is the biggest shopping day of the year, is what I really want to talk about. For work-related reasons, which I cannot really discuss here, I ended up at a shopping mall at 4:30 a.m. I attempted to embark on a sort of Bill Bryson-esque "what the hey is going on here with these nutters and their shopping" investigation. I don't know if it really worked out like that, but I did what I could. Obviously, if you go early enough on Black Friday, you will find bargains. The question is if you would want the things that are being offered at any price. Shoppers were somehow deluding themselves into thinking an Emachines computer didn't suck no matter how cheap it is.
And I did find a few things I would have enjoyed buying at those bargain prices, but the line to check out was just as long as the line to get in. I still had to go to work that day, so I couldn't really afford the time even if I could afford the price.
Sometimes rampant commercialism makes me a little sick, so I'm glad I was going to this thing on an empty stomach. Most people seemed happy and weren't being mean or territorial, but anytime you have long lines that means lots of people and thus the occasional idiot. One woman's exclamation upon seeing how long the line was at Circuit City cannot be printed on this family blog, but it was impressive in its badness.
The one sight that put my fear over the top was seeing a group of women lined up to get inside JoAnn, which for the uninitiated or uncrafty (meaning that you aren't a veteran, since sports anchors are required by federal regulation to refer to veterans as crafty) is a sewing store. JoAnn is a place for quilters, old women and old women quilters. The point of this story is that the line at JoAnn proved that the fabric (pause for laughter) of our society is far too materialistic (pause for more laughter).
The moral: I don't like shopping.
Nice win by the Huskers over the hated western rivals. All I saw from J.B. Phillips - a tight end against whom someone I know has an irrational vendetta - was a false start. Maybe the vendetta is justified?
Also, the Texas loss today could mean Nebraska faces Oklahoma in the B12 championship (I'm going to see if that vitamin reference might catch on. Big 12 sounds kind of lame, but B12, that's like instant energy!). I don't know if the Corn wants to tangle with either of those southern squads, but we'll see. It would be nice to win in Kansas City, although these grind-em-out victories over bad teams seems to only give Billy C more power to dominate his glasses-wearing fiefdom.
I like MoPure. That's his name. It's official. And Zac Taylor is Z-Tac, just like the airport. This is law.
One other thing, certain relation of mine were at this particular grudge match and thus couldn't watch on television, but I promise you that David Norrie the color man (not to be confused with N.O.R.E, the rapper and person of color) was talking about how Adam Carriker could go in the first round of the NFL draft. He praised Carriker's strength, quickness, frame and also, and I'm not making this up, long neck. When did having a long neck become a prerequisite for success as a defensive end. Has anyone measured Julius Pepper's neck? Is it excessively long? Are high schoolers going to begin putting those rings around their necks like African women to addd length and impress the scouts? Does this mean Merton Hanks may make a comeback? Questions abound and only Norrie has the answer.
In other news, have you seen this commercial with the Burger King riding around on a crotch rocket in a video game? I question whether humanity can continue.
The Suns have won four out of five and face the Nets tonight. However, there is a great disturbance in the Amare force. Coach 'Antoni (he gets to be D'Antoni when his teams show they can actually get stops consistently) has had Stat on the bench for the past two fourth quarters. I don't think guys with max contracts are happy to be getting splinters in crunch time.
I think I have more to say but can't remember it all right now. I think I'll be back for more this weekend.

Don't call it a comeback

Sorry I haven't talked at you in so long, but I have been crazy swamped with the work, the travel, the laundry, the pets, etc.
Quick hitters because there is so much to cover:
The Suns...um...not so good this year. It's early, but they don't seem to have any ability to close out games whatsoever. I don't think it's a good sign if within the first 10 games of the season Nash is being forced to stand up the entire time on airplane flights. Stoudemire does look good offensively, but his rehab didn't improve his defense.
Despite their difficulties, I'm excited about this book, which judging from early reviews is an amazing look behind the scenes of the Suns operation. This review at True Hoop has whetted my appetite, so I'll be picking it up soon.
Tonight Joe Namath tells America what it's like to be a drunk and ask to kiss Suzy Kolber. I've asked her as well, but for some reason, 60 Minutes isn't interested in putting me on the show.
This Colts-Cowboys game has been pretty good. Dungy definitely should have challenged that call on the interception return for a touchdown. I have no idea why he didn't. Well, it's over. Bottoms up 1972 Dolphins.
I'm using new blogger beta for this post. Can you notice? Do you care?
I'm predicting that next season the NBA will return to the old leather ball. If they don't, they should. Too many shots like this (scroll down to Nets v. Wizards highlights, you'll know which shot by watching) have gone in. Obviously, shooting percentages will rise if the ball is so soft that shots fired with even a modicum of touch will go in. Also, the ball sticks on the glass better, so I think bank shots are easier to make. The only player I've heard of who likes the new ball is Tony Parker: a Frenchman with small hands. The NBA shouldn't be making changes that are embraced by French point guards. They should be embraced by guys like Shaq, Duncan, Nash and His Quirkiness.
Where have I been? The wilds of northeastern Colorado, that's where. Here's another photo showing my trip.

But it's necessary

Sorry to those who will whisk past this post to move onto other more imaginative and sensible blogs on the Interweb, but I feel it is my duty as an Arizonan to mention the Phoenix Suns. They are now 1-2 and haven't really looked very good this season. They looked great in the first quarter of the opener against the Lakers but fell on their face quickly after. They had good stretches against the Clippers but only won that game because the Clips forgot that Elton Brand can score any time he wants to. I would probably destroy something in the locker room if I were shooting about 80 percent from the field and owning the offensive glass like EB if my teammates didn't find me three out of four times down the floor. Livingston, Mobley, et al. are lucky that he's a nice guy because most players wouldn't stand for it. My point is, the Clippers gave that one away. And then last night against the Jazz (I taped the game but haven't watched it and might not) the Suns apparently blew a late lead and lost. When they don't make shots they can't seem to score and they never seem to be able to stop anybody. I fear that Simmons was right about the Suns in his preview (though it pains me to say it). They are still fun to watch but have a long way to go. The Amare will he-won't he nonsense is what everyone will focus on but it probably doesn't matter unless they can play better. I realize this is doomsday talk three games into the season, but the flow doesn't seem to be there. D'Antoni is screaming from the sidelines to pick up the pace, but too often speeding up hasn't led to better looks or more baskets. I'm sure he has a plan, but if they hit 9-31 from three-point range like against Utah, more possessions isn't going to change much.
As for Amare, I'm sure he will still have a long career and be a great player. But I don't know if the explosiveness of 2004-05 can ever return. If it doesn't, I am glad that I had a single season of force plus grace to remember. For those who didn't get to see it or only know it by rumor, that's what Youtube is for. Enjoy.